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What a heart feels.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
This is great. Just great. What I read about pisces is very true. Yup, you out grew me yet again. Fastest ever so far. Back then two years ago I was there first, then the first time happened. Till this day, you probably would still be looking quietly at him, but I will still be in the same position. I would be looking at you quietly. Why is it so hard to maintain what it used to be like. There was nothing wrong with that. I never asked for more. I don't dare either, for the fact that I don't want to lose what I already have. Yet somewhere or another history will repeat itself and I can never do anything about it. Its happening now again. I can forsee, this time there is only two possibilities. And both of it depends on you. It will all end and strangers is what we will be, a hi bye will all be left. Or, this bond that I had tried to build and salvage, which is dying, would come out stronger and stay that way forever. What I forsee always seems to come true. At this moment the drift is very strong. I'm trying but seems like you aren't staying. I always told myself, things would get better as you get older because the path I have walked on made me who I am, and you won't be able to see what I see only till you get older. I keep believing in that. I am extremely sensitive. Its because I was brought up to be like this. Ever since young. And I am not allowed to show this side to you because you dislike it. I change so you would be comfortable and maybe be able to really trust me. I am easy going now aren't I? Well this will be the only place I can ever show my sensitivity. No one will ever know how I feel inside anymore. I remember every memory, good and bad, family, friends and in the recent past most of my memories are of you. Knowing you so much already is which is why I hope to do things with you, like bring you to the places that I know would make you feel truly happy. Make days which you would never forget. But every time I mention about happy moments of the past it seems like you don't remember them anymore. If you really leave someday, I hope you find true happiness. Bless you. I sincerely wish you all the best. It will be sad I won't be part of it, I don't know how I will be able to cope. Its you who are always changing you know. And I change to adapt to you. I can't do anything anymore but to just let you do what you want. I can only hope things would get better and stay strong. The tiniest hope. That girl of my past, hopefully she returns to stay. If I wasn't the person I am now at this moment, I would have been overwhelmed by agitation. I would have already lost control. I am proud I am still sane. I swear to never get angry. I will always be nice, easy going, less sensitive, fun. So that you would be happy with me. Inside I already feel numb and heartless. Some habits will never change. I try to go to your blog everyday still. So if you ever read this, then never forget this please, you have been a wonderful friend to me and I wish to at least have what we had to last. A deeper relationship? Well, I believe its not for me to decide right? Hahah, it would be interesting and nice though. But I won't ask for anymore than what we used to have. Thank you, for all the good times you have given me. I will always remember them. Thank you. I may not be able to do what others could do for you, but I will always be there for you, to the best of my abilities I will do what you ask for. I will always,  And for you, its a special kind of love, a different one, unique, that I will always have.
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