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I had......
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I have the most awesome wonderful female friend. She is cute, funny, she care for me a lot. She would talk to me so many things. Shared her secrets. In return I shared with her too. I believed in her and trusted her a lot. I changed so that she wouldn't get pissed at my character and my doings. Everyday I would send her nonsensical text, just small things to make her smile. Her smiles are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her hugs are the most special thing I ever felt. Those were the happiest days of my life. I encourage her and support her for what she wants and tried to be there for her when she was down. I didn't ask for anything back in return. But just one thing, to let this continue and never stop. Two years and two months have passed. But it only took one week to change all that. I am to blame. I should have been selfish and asked her not to go. But I knew what she wanted to achieve and that would bring her great satisfaction. And so I gave her my full support. At the end of it all, she got what she wanted. I lost the best thing in my life. I remember hanging out at the swing with her. Sending her home. Massaging her hurt wrist. Laying restrictions for her own well being. Trying to make things better for her and her family. Going on walks with her. Pulling her close to let her lie on my arm. Holding her hand when she was so sleepy, leading her home. Letting her sleep on my lap. Holding her tight when she cried. Carrying her in the swimming pool and at sea. Trying my best to keep her warm while I was shivering. Buying her things she liked but didn't ask for. Always giving the ice from my drink. Just me and her in my room, watching a show while she was lying down on my chest. Meeting her that one time near her school, where she hugged me the moment she saw me. Giving her my jacket. Neglecting my sleep and waking up early just to wake her up as well. Accompanying her through texts or in person till she reached school. That night where we were sleeping beside each other, her constantly kicking me cause she was cold, so I gave her my sleeping bag to let her stay warm while I endured the freezing cold. I was so happy she treated me well and didn't leave. But now she's gone. I lost her. Again. I wish she'd come back. I miss her. I'm doing stupid things to escape reality. I am a man of values. Even if the world tells me to give up I still won't budge. I have tried so long and hard. There is still so much more in the list that I haven't done with her yet. I have guts. I have heart. I still care and hope for the best for her. But I wish I could at least continue to be the same guy to her no matter who she goes out with. I wish she didn't change. It feels so empty now.
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