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What I meant.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
This doesn't mean I'm leaving. This doesn't mean I'm giving up. It means I'm shutting the hell up. It means I'm just gonna sit and watch. Because I do not need to pump in so much effort when its not recognized. Because I do not need to try so hard when it's just me trying. I may not be the best, but I still gave what I had. I may not be the best, but I do know I'm much more valuable then many others. 
You are now deleting a life memory, Yes? No?
There might be a day, where I just might delete every single memory created. It seems like that is what you want. If that day comes, I hope you will never ever remember me anymore, nor will you ever remember the times spent. You can have what you want and wait for ever you wish for. But any part of me will never be in your mind anymore I presume. I never asked for anything more, I was satisfied with the little happiness you gave. Now that's gone, I wish I could be selfish and get what I desire. But when I think back, I never really get what I wanted ever since I have been a small child. Selfless, always sparing a thought for others but none for myself. If it please you, then do what as you wish. I am going to stop trying. From now on there will be less troubles for you. Faith and hope is another thing. That's why its not over by a long shot. I've done all I could. Maybe someone kind enough, might do something to salvage everything, before every memory is gone. Time to find other means to keep smiling. 
It really stings inside.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
You're doing this again? Why is it that you don't want to talk to me and be that girl who used to lie on my shoulders now? I've tried so many different ways to salvage and recreate happy moments but all in vain. I really am speechless now. Its really a shame to see what's happening now. Somehow I feel that, if it was him that you were talking to, the words spoken would have been different, the tone used would have shown a different emotion, the treatment given wouldn't be the same as this. What have I become? A stranger? A tool? Disposable? Have I become the toy that a kid would put aside to never touch again because something better came along and gained more attention? I've tried, to not suffocate with overwhelming care and concern, to talk the way you want to listen, to be myself, to be honest and truthful, to share, to give and not expect to be rewarded. But all I wanted was to see that smile. And to have many more moments like the one I always think about now. Just me and you, in my room, close to each other, feeling the weight on my chest, knowing my arm is going numb but not wanting to say anything because you looked so comfortable in that position, feeling your warmth, so cozy.  Every nice memory I had of you flashes before my eyes when I gaze upon this picture.
Sadness from the happiest moments
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Its a shame.
It's so sad.
Disappointment.
The sting felt inside.
A heavy sigh.
No one knows.
No one would notice.
Every picture perfect moment, now turned into another dolorous story.
I can remember them.
Can you?
You don't anymore?
Too bad for me?
The weight I feel when you rest your head on my arm.
The tightest hugs you would only give in a blue moon.
These are just two of the many actions you have done that I still desire to experience again.
Because those would be the few cracks in a day where I would not be disturbed by anything or anyone.
Peaceful.
Unbreakable.
It created pure happiness for that ever distraughted ticking organ.
If there was ever a time machine, I would give it to you.
You would then have the opportunity to right the wrongs and to be ever exultant right from the beginning.
I close my eyes,
I can't sleep.
I think of you.
I envision moments where I could make those cheeks hurt again.
I'm really tired.
Mentally.
Unrequited.
I wish you would come back soon.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I don't know what's going on with you. On some rare times you are nice to me, you laugh and I have fun again talking with you. But at other times why you do talk to me as though I am so irritating to you? We used to enjoy talking with each other. We were able to say anything and everything. I wish you would lie on me again. I wish you would hug me tight again. I was hoping so hard that you wouldn't injure yourself when you were to run your 2.4 today. But after finding out how serious you injury was my heart dropped. But I am not suppose to show you my emotions anymore I guess. I am not suppose to show you care and concern. Because I suffocate you don't I? Its a shame you aren't willing to straighten things out so that we can continue being like who we were back then. You know, I have the habit of clicking on your link everyday still. What a hope I still hold on too. Everyday I pray you will be safe, and that other people won't disturb you, you won't get into a mess again. I never stopped. You've changed. You have cast me aside. I wish you would come back. 
I miss you.
The complexity and simplicity
Saturday, May 12, 2012
It has been a long time. A lot of things have changed. A lot of people have changed. But somethings and some people will never change too drastically over time. They stay quite the same till the end. Reminisce, I remember all those nice moments. You used to lie on me when I am beside you. Every time we have to part for the day you would give me a hug and we would be texting each other seconds later. I held your hand while we walked to your place when you were falling asleep. The times you would come over here, we would lay down together closely, watching a show. You cuddled up with my bolster like a little baby and tried to sleep. I said we shall try to go this and that places next time and you would agree to make plans. The only reason why I ever asked such stuff is because I wanted to see the smile on your face. The only reason why we are the way we are now is because you stopped treating me the same as you used to all due to your troubles, you problems, your thoughts, your wants, your heart. All that has happened from the first time we met, you did it on your own and you still do. Trust, it was one thing you were reluctant to give, to me.
I hide so much now, only when I'm alone I can get to breath. What I hide now, no one notices how significant it really is. Simple is what you said that you want now. The irony in that. I guess to you, the times we spent were too complicated that you now want the simple life you are having now.
I'll just watch you living your simple life and never utter a word about the past to you anymore.
Thank you for creating so many happy moments for me and turning them into dejected memories all at once.
Have you simple life, I'll wait for the day my complicated wants and needs can be fulfilled.
Till then, take care of yourself well.
No more tears shall be shed.
I can safely say what I am unable to say out to anyone here, because I believe no one comes here anymore, not you, not him, not her, not them, no one.
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