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A leap. Of faith, or to just fall.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I always thought to myself, would your life have been better without me? If I never came in to the picture. I never left your side. I stayed up all the way trying to make you feel better. I never intended to sleep because you were bothered. I just wanted to make you happy, that's all. But that one question you asked me, it hurt. Out of all that I could be I was being sincere. I was being nice. I was being patient. But at the end of it all, you just treated me like most people do ignoring how I actually feel. At the end of it all, this just takes too much out of me. I'm trying relentlessly hard. I'm putting in so much effort. But it seems like all that effort goes to waste. And my heart aches and gets heavy again. Every time we have conversations like this, it always ends up the same no matter how many times I have tried. You're always hesitant. You never wanted to try. But here I am, time and time again, trying like I always do. The thought that I can't change anything for you brings me to my lowest point. I'm just a troublesome person who came into your life aren't I. Just a hindrance. That's how I feel now. I guess you won't understand the reasons behind the things I do for you. And you won't let me get through to you. Yet again you shrugged me off. Like I'm another pest. You know why I won't give up on you, but I don't know why you want me to give up. Haven't we done this countless times before? Just for once, I wish I don't have to feel exhausted trying so hard. For you. For everyone else. Every time you leave me in this solitude, I guess its because I'm the object of your misery. Guess that's the answer to the question I asked you. Funny, I always been able to answer myself the questions I asked. Today would be two weeks of not sleeping. 
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