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I'm stuck, I can't walk on.
Friday, August 19, 2011
I usually had you to talk with. Actually, I talk with you only. Talked. Used to. Nowadays when I need someone, its seems like such a difficult task for me. If you're going and never coming back, then you should just forget me completely. You should never be concern about how I feel. But one day, if you come back, can you care like you used to? Gets kinda lonely now. I don't really prefer this quietness. Guess its time to go back to the usual spot. I'll miss those times, I don't forget easily. 
Destroyed
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, 15th august 2011 Swings. It was the only place I was able to find peace in my heart. Today, its the place where I lost that heart of mine. Usually, most of the time, all a person needs is just one chance to be given to them to do what they said they needed to do. Usually. Guess I'm an exception. I never got that chance. It took a lot out of me to go on my knees. I thought you would atleast see my sincerity in what I was asking. But you stood up and walked away. I tried to hold your hand but you pulled it away. I watched you walk away, dumbfounded, on my knees. You never turned back. Did you know how I felt at that moment where I watched you walk away from me while I was still on my knees? Today...... Speechless. 
Maybe, I might never come back here anymore.
Pessimism
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Been up the whole night. Actually been up every night. No goodnights, good mornings. And its gonna be a whole day, not even a hi. I can only wait. Tomorrow's monday. My head tells me its just a false hope put into me. But then I still believe in that hope. I'm so naive. Guess I always have been. Guess that's why I never gave up, cause I chose to believe that it will happen. I've had too much false hope put in me. I wish tomorrow wouldn't be one. In just one day, I felt like those 37 days all over again. It made me think a lot. Everytime you keep me in silence, you leave me to think. And doubt. And I start doubting myself. I'll just wait. I can't fight against the flow can I? I guess tomorrow's not gonna happen. The thought of that, depressing. I know where I'm gonna be if its not gonna happen. Take care. 
A leap. Of faith, or to just fall.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I always thought to myself, would your life have been better without me? If I never came in to the picture. I never left your side. I stayed up all the way trying to make you feel better. I never intended to sleep because you were bothered. I just wanted to make you happy, that's all. But that one question you asked me, it hurt. Out of all that I could be I was being sincere. I was being nice. I was being patient. But at the end of it all, you just treated me like most people do ignoring how I actually feel. At the end of it all, this just takes too much out of me. I'm trying relentlessly hard. I'm putting in so much effort. But it seems like all that effort goes to waste. And my heart aches and gets heavy again. Every time we have conversations like this, it always ends up the same no matter how many times I have tried. You're always hesitant. You never wanted to try. But here I am, time and time again, trying like I always do. The thought that I can't change anything for you brings me to my lowest point. I'm just a troublesome person who came into your life aren't I. Just a hindrance. That's how I feel now. I guess you won't understand the reasons behind the things I do for you. And you won't let me get through to you. Yet again you shrugged me off. Like I'm another pest. You know why I won't give up on you, but I don't know why you want me to give up. Haven't we done this countless times before? Just for once, I wish I don't have to feel exhausted trying so hard. For you. For everyone else. Every time you leave me in this solitude, I guess its because I'm the object of your misery. Guess that's the answer to the question I asked you. Funny, I always been able to answer myself the questions I asked. Today would be two weeks of not sleeping. 
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