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Hands on my face. Getting used to that.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Yesterday I woke up with a heavy heart. I got scalded. I couldn't care much about it though. It didn't hurt much. Actually not at all. Today I got hurt. Am still. But the funny thing is, I bring myself to tell anyone. Not even the person who caused it. Not even the person I talk to so frequently. Not even a close friend. Well, I'm too disturbed to think of anything more to write about. And my scald got bubbles on it. :\ 
Cold
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Like a day I am wondered where I am would ever happen. Not being pessimistic, but its highly unlikely. I know. Fell for someone who does not exist anymore. And doing everything you swore never to do. I know. Well, today marks the first of such a day. I wonder if it would get anymore fucked up than this. Even in this shitty condition I am in, I find myself trying to help others. TSK. So be it then. Sooner or later I'll be pushed back down to crawl again. Like how everyone did. I never left, nor am I leaving. I was pushed away, I'm being pushed away. Fuck it. 
Change
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I'm done being like this. Sick and tired of everything. Useless. Worthless. Hopeless. Sickening. Stupid. The same thing that happened before happened again. That's what I deserve for being this way. No point waiting for the sky to cry. No point being concern when you are just pushed back down to crawl again. No point putting in so much effort to make things better when shit is always thrown at you. No point talking when everyone else talks back at you. No point when it all happens again and its not your fault from the start. No point. This time, I'm throwing myself away. I'm not leaving. But leaving for good sounds tempting. Maybe soon, I'll leave everything, everyone. 
Yet again.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Forgotten. Left. Disowned. Alone. Wishing. Hoping. In vain. Waiting for the sky to cry. 
Empty
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Nothing feels right now. Nothing. I haven't slept much in the past few days. That should explain why I have such a bad headache. But through all that pain in my head, I realised one thing though. It always turns out to be this way. Always. When I was young, growing up, a few months back and even now. It sucks. I hate it. But what can I say. It couldn't get any worse right? Well neither would it get any better. 
Trying very hard not to sigh cause you said not to.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Its been 4 days. Suck real bad. Everything. Everyone. I'm holding back so much already. A day by day battle. Being treated this way. And with every passing moment I only have one thought, one wish. For the wait to be over. Cause it sucks. But I guess I won't matter much to anyone. You or anyone else. So I'll just suppress and walk on. 
Suppression
Monday, October 11, 2010
I still do what I do. All the things I do. Even if the change is so great, it won't matter to me. Because I'm still the same and I'll still treat the same. There won't be any difference in the way I will treat, talk, etc etc etc. I, Smile not matter how scarred inside is. 
Still here waiting.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I couldn't sleep well again. So much on my mind. So much I want to say. But it will never be enough. I lost myself for a moment there, became someone I used to be. But I was reminded of who I really am. Accepting reality, no matter how great the pain is. I now know what to say. And I am waiting for the chance to. I won't stop waiting just because there aren't any replies. There won't be a moment I would forget. There is really a lot of thing in my mind I want to say. And the waiting, never felt so long before. Never dealt such pain before. But I've waited so long, I guess this hurt can be endured. For how long is that is unknown, but for as long as it takes. So start realising soon. 
Distance
Friday, October 8, 2010
After seeing what I saw, I just wanted to run. I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. I just wanted to run in that direction. But I couldn't. And I didn't want to. Cause I am suppose to wait. Its like a boomerang. Once thrown you will have to wait for it to come back. You throw it to see it fly so far. And wait for it to come back. You see it fly so far wondering if it will come back. So you wait. So I wait. When it comes back I will catch it. Definitely. It will come back. Right? No, It will surely come back. I know. That's why I wait. 
A repeat of the past.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It's happening all over again. I'll just wait and see what we will decide to choose. I'll just wait no matter how hard it is. I'll continue to wait. 
Its all about me. Me doing it for............
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I'm blogging more these days. Probably because this is the only place left for me...... Well, I told myself never ever to wish for anything anymore, to hope at all, to trust anyone, to believe in anything, to say sorry, to promise, to plead. But I can't help not doing so now. I don't want what happened before to happen all over again. And I won't let it. That's why I wish so much now. I hope for the better. I trust with all my heart. I will believe in you no matter what. I will say sorry cause I really am. I will promise because I will hold on to it. I will plead all just because I have got one more chance to do right and I won't let go so easily. I won't give up. I won't leave. I won't forget. I will hold on. I will keep on trying. I will give it all to understand. I will do all the work. I will wait. 
Walking strong.
Monday, October 4, 2010
It doesn't matter about me. Cause no one could figure out anyway. But its okay, I'm strong. I'll do the work from now on. I will try to understand. I will wait to listen. I will be there only if I'm wanted. I will be the support. I will never leave. I will wait. No matter how much pain I hold, I will be walking on. I won't walk too far cause that would mean I am leaving. Just don't let me walk off too far. I'll be waiting. Always. All the words I can say to assure are all from my heart. Don't doubt what I say, cause I'm not telling lies. Right now, it really does hurt. A lot. But its alright uhh. I can still do what I do. The things I do for everyone else.
overwhelmed
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Just need a little time, to be that usual random self again. But this time it aches. Really bad. Never did it ache so badly before. Maybe I will be only realised when it is all too late. But till then, I will still wait. Just feel like ripping it out and throwing it away. So many things I had to say. But I guess it would never be enough. Nor will it be ever understood. I'll just pick those broken pieces. And walk on. Walk on till one day maybe. I might reach a better place. Or maybe I would have just walked to far till I'm forgotten. By everyone.
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