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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
yet again. i find myself holding on to things that i don't want to. even after so much time had past. even after telling myself over and over again. the things i just coincidentally see bothers me. very much. maybe its not even about me. it could be something else. not me. i might already be part of the past. but when it comes to me, letting go ain't really a simple task. time after time it's still the same. and the things that i try to do to make it all better seem to make me feel less good about myself. i guess hoping is the best that i could do. well, one good thing of not letting go is that i still have one friendship to call it my own after it had gone through so much. but still. who do i fall back on when i need to? because the distance feels very great from how i look at it. hmm...i am thinking too much..i AM thinking too much..right..right?? so that explains why i don't like thinking.. hmm..its not about me. its not about me. its not about me. its not about me. its not about me. its not about me. its not about me. its not about me,right?? if it really isn't about me...then its good..and i should be feeling good too.. right.? i hope so.. umm..those words..even if i were to say it over and over and over again..it seems that you're mad at me inside..you know..i still have that strip of paper that you gave so long ago..cause you were someone i held on to when the distance between everyone else seem to grow further.. are you letting go? - umm..well..today's a special day for someone..someone whom i looked up to as an older brother..even if you didn't see it that way its ok with me..it'd be nice if things were the way before..cause i rather have it like those times than how they are now..i might be being selfish but i really want it..like the way it used to be.. well..i'll just continue to hope.. cause you see.. i don't really let go easily best wishes. and good luck and i wish..that you would never ever have to feel down and just frown at everything that you face from today.. - i guess this is where it would come..so..... open your eyes big big and smile..smile at everything like an idiot..and smile like you never smiled before.. even though its only momentary..its better to make that few seconds worth while.right? buwaais.. [my behind ain't complaining this time around..i guess its just too numb]
[i can't think of a tittle][haha][really,i swear]
Sunday, February 22, 2009
seem like alot has happened in a week.. from where i last left of.. finished 2 star..so my date on valentine's day was a kayak..like wth..lol..hmm..but had to share..so wasn't much of date..HAHA..[that was random] anyway 2 star's over..jeremy don jealous eh..you'll get your chance soon.. hmm..so now there're two tones of colour on me..hey..really hor.. oh..saw rasyidin at kallang..he was like running for training and i was like running towards him..[ON VALENTINE'S DAY..lol] and i got a kick to my behind..ow..lol. wet wet go eat lunch at leisure park and beach road.. umm..lots of thoughts while going home.. so the weekends were burned due to the course..well..good luck to the rest who'll be taking their 2 star now.. [: so monday was my nephew's bday..2 yrs old..2 years....2 years ago i was still in sec 3..sigh..those were the time when everything was way better than it is now.. so the next 2 days were spent at home..yet again..but there's a place i visit every night..if possible. its good to know that such an old place is still here in today's society thursday went down to school to pass over some notes..hope they're useful..[so i am doing something..to help..but i guess its too small uh] so friday..alot happened..was helping with the badges..looking back at it now..i now wonder why i took such a long time to handle such a trivial matter..lol.. hmm..ok uh..i acknowledge the fact that i'm lazy.. '~' though i don like saying it.. but i WILL change.. [: umm..nothing to say about ytd..another boring saturday spent doing nothing.. okays...what i think about the recent incident that happened..it all boils down to understanding..i guess different people have different levels of understanding..we should understand each other before acting..and not acting based on our feelings.. give what you have learned and take what you have been taught.. now thats something even i should relate to..right?? [: to teach because you have the qualifications and experience and to learn because everything changes,so should our knowledge and skills.. so we should all exercise the responsibilities of our roles that we have. i really do hope everything getting better.. it'd really be disappointing if it were to repeat itself.. okay..now when i revert to my not so smart self..i realize wat i said doesn't seem the least bit like something i would probably say...lol..[random agian] -_- I'm sorry for not having said those two words for a long time.i dunno what came over me. but from now on you'll hear those words more because you deserve to hear it. [: you know that day when i said those words, your face immediately changed.haha.you gave a smile that was very much different from the ones you'd usually give.so keep on smiling like that always.okay? aww..so touching[random!!] -_- lol.. oh no! wat am i seeing..i shouldn't think too much..i hope its not related to me.. well friday the 20th was not all bad though..i was less quiet..i think..haha..and i kinda felt a little glad inside.. i guess it was because bowen npcc got GOLD!!again!!haha..congratulations and appreciations to everyone who made this possible.. AND ESPECIALLY TO NCOs BATCH 07/08 [of course must boast abit mah..haha..] 6267 zs/ze [: i know i can never forget them.. or maybe its because i felt like someone was treating me a little similar to how i was treated before..hmm..i wish for it to all come back.. oh..something super funny happened on thusrday.. i was playing chess with shafiq..then he was like re do-ing his first move for dunno how many times..well thats not the super funny part..the super funny part was there was this one moment when both of us were just looking around doing nothing..the atmosphere was intensed..haha..he was waiting for me to make my move while i on the other hand was waiting for him to make his move..so we waited for like 5 minutes..then i say 'hey, you turn la' HAHA!! that he was 'really meh??' HAHAHAHAHA...priceless man!! ok la if you don find it funny it ok..but its super funny to me..HAHA!!! i shall stop here for now..recently my posts has been very very wordy.. okays..buwaais..my behind is aching..[don think wrong hor] P.S colourful the nicer mah?? right??
its worse day after day...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
on thursday..went to school..handed over some forms..went to eat with jeremy..yea..finally i was having a proper meal..skipped the previous meals since the day before..umm..don know why i weren't hungry..ya..so had dinner with jeremy at hp..then went for a campfire..then went on a long walk before heading home..it would be nice,to have a long walk not alone..but a day like that's long gone..and i guess it will never happen agian.. well thats that for thursday..a very bad thursday.. Friday the 13th. yet another friday.went over to school.hmm,why am i still calling it school?well, went over,saw familiar faces.lots of them.but the first thing they would say would be "hey, so free ah? come back school for what".so my reply would be "HELLO!".so basically the day was not any better then the previous day.some stuff i saw and heard and was told about started to bother me.. and i think i should make a statement..its not that i don't want to talk to a certain some one/people or to avoid the certain.......truthfully..i really don't know how to start again..HESITANCY..vexed.. well the funny part was that i started to space out while walking for dinner.[and yea..i was hungry!! really..could eat cow..or a horse..or watever it is..]space out like walking..thats new eh..if it were only that easy to laugh at yourself.. anyway lava rock was simply worth it..delicious.yea.really. hmm..guess my mood plunged down deep after i got home.. pulled it up and decieded to chat with a person..been long since i last chatted with this person[maybe it was the hesitancy]..this person..this person who was always there previously.seems like its no anymore.. well..buwaais for now then..
confused...and itchy!?!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
didn't go out the past few days..only went out to help saifuddin move stuff..that was on sunday...alot of stuff..serious..lol..i will never forget one thing..the washing machine..haha..was the first time a carried a washing machine on my own..lol..cause i young time i saw a guy carry a new washing machine into my house..then now i abit bigger then last time mah..so i stupidly decided to carry it..lol..piece of cake..muhahaha..like i could even say that..it was heavy lor..wa..i wonder how that time that person carry by himself one..i wonder more how i carry..lol..not that i am very strong or anything...really..i so weak one..lol..[must act humble..keke..] then forgot wat time i reach home..think around 7 i guess..so it was back to sitting on THAT chair and spending the rest of the time surfing the net..[the chair the that poked my behind..and it still poking] so the past few days i've been home again..didn't go out..umm..but i am not bored though..suprisingly..been spacing out alot.. alot more ever since wat i saw and heard on friday..i guess its because of that incident where the presence of the people around me was acknowledge but not mine...i can't seem to understand why he's allowed to talk to you all and i'm being treated like a complete stranger..why's he accepted but not me..weren't i the one who used to be in his position before..but where did it all go wrong...?[*he,not trying to look down on you or anything..don take it too hard cause its not intended to to hurt your feeling..i really do hope it doesn't..]then started to space out more after reading something...alittle bit of guilt..why weren't i there.. a feeling..and its seems as though its haunting me now.. i don really feel good now..i saw something that i should never have..making me feel more of a stranger... and i'm not recovering from the flu either..alot of thing seem to bother me now..especially the fact that i'm not recovering as fast i'm suppose to.. who would you turn to when everything seems to fall apart..and you can't turn to the people you always turned to because they're the ones who are making you feel this way..what would it take for them to realise that..and you wouldn't feel right turning to anyone else to lend an ear to listen to you..just because your not comfortable with that.. well..i guess there are definitely people who would be more than willing to listen and give the support needed..but i guess wat creates the hesitancy is the approach...will they really want to listen..?? or have they too changed as well.. who do i lean on now..?? neh..i guess thats that..don wanna dwell on this too long..ain't really helping me either..another time then.. thats for the first part..now the itchy part.. yea..itchy... there has been a blood sucker in my room...sucking every night..sucking my blood that is..wat would you be thinking now eh..??blood sucker don sucker blood the suck wat..??lol.. nope..luckly no leeches..haha..i don have a swamp in my room..lol.. and so because of that i'm now back to it only after 2 days of sleep.. comparing 2 days to 4 weeks..ain't really balancing well..taking into consideration the current health status...its way off... okays..its time to go..cause my behind says so..lol..rhymes..wtf..haha.. buwaais
a day at ubin
Saturday, February 7, 2009
                                                        ok ok..pic here.. emm ain't really in the mood for blogging so another time eh.. oh and still got somemore pics i think..will upload it once i get it..
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