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it had always been mine....my fault..
Saturday, December 27, 2008
been coming back home late ever since course was over...well..went on walk today again...wasn't able to yesterday and the day before that...was out...spending my time with people i don't really used to hang out with...was a new experience though...but i still feel i little weird... but now i feel like i've lost another friendship...i dunno how many more am i going to lose...its all because of wat i've done...always causing pain and sorrow.. honestly speaking...it was unintentional...i hope it isn't still this way for this person.. ..i still dunno wat was the mistake that i ever did....i really want to hear you speak your mind.. ..i should have never agreed to it in the first place..i should have spoke out for the people who i treasure without and hesitation...then i wouldn't feel like the person is treating me like this.. it had always been my fault...i would like to make up for it...get things sorted out.. it all starts with me...i should....no.....i have to begin it...i have to step out of my comfort zone and put others before myself..those i treasure...i'm not going to let it go on any longer.. but i just hope these goals and efforts won't be in vain...i really hope for the better... i really wish i have learnt my lesson...i don't want to be feel this way any more...though i told myself not to over and again...but its like an endless cycle...when a new friendship is created..old ones are cut.. i want to break that cycle..and to experience those moments and to enjoy new ones without having to cause those pain and sorrow..so it all starts with me...i should have prevented such thing from happening long ago..hope its not too late though.. i was able to turn to this person for help all the time...but not now...when this friendship is the one that feels like its gonna get cut... i really don't know who to turn to now... when the going gets tough...open your eyes big big and just smile....smile like you never smiled before...(isn't this wat i used to do...i should realised this earlier...)thats something that would cheer anybody up...cause reading it has already made me feel a little bit better... self-motivation eh... [:
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