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counting down..but ain't feeling good
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
i don feel good in the inside...i actually thought i could make thing better than it is now...but to simply put it..it seems impossible to me..i feel like i am being hated..and i simply too hesitant to do anything about it... but there's one thing i can do...open your eyes big big and smile...even if its smiling in the inside is does make me feel i little better...but still..its just lying to myself to forget the fact that i feel like being hated..maybe i thinking too much uh...nvm..still can open eyes big big and smile to whatever happens.. He's filled with regrets now.He doesn't want this any more.He wants to forget everything that happened,to let go of the memories.But it isn't really as easy as said.
alrights..a new year is coming up very soon
Monday, December 29, 2008
3 more days...there goes one year and here comes another one... hmmm...well...i think i should go get some rest now...the next 3 days seems packed.. [: hopefully it will be with memories that i'll never forget...and other stuff that i couldn't imagine myself doing before...i think la..haha..oh well...when the going gets tough..open your eyes big big and smile,smile like you never smiled before.. He just looks at the stars,with hope.Eventhough things seems like its getting better,he doesn't feel the same.So he just looks at the stars.
it had always been mine....my fault..
Saturday, December 27, 2008
been coming back home late ever since course was over...well..went on walk today again...wasn't able to yesterday and the day before that...was out...spending my time with people i don't really used to hang out with...was a new experience though...but i still feel i little weird... but now i feel like i've lost another friendship...i dunno how many more am i going to lose...its all because of wat i've done...always causing pain and sorrow.. honestly speaking...it was unintentional...i hope it isn't still this way for this person.. ..i still dunno wat was the mistake that i ever did....i really want to hear you speak your mind.. ..i should have never agreed to it in the first place..i should have spoke out for the people who i treasure without and hesitation...then i wouldn't feel like the person is treating me like this.. it had always been my fault...i would like to make up for it...get things sorted out.. it all starts with me...i should....no.....i have to begin it...i have to step out of my comfort zone and put others before myself..those i treasure...i'm not going to let it go on any longer.. but i just hope these goals and efforts won't be in vain...i really hope for the better... i really wish i have learnt my lesson...i don't want to be feel this way any more...though i told myself not to over and again...but its like an endless cycle...when a new friendship is created..old ones are cut.. i want to break that cycle..and to experience those moments and to enjoy new ones without having to cause those pain and sorrow..so it all starts with me...i should have prevented such thing from happening long ago..hope its not too late though.. i was able to turn to this person for help all the time...but not now...when this friendship is the one that feels like its gonna get cut... i really don't know who to turn to now... when the going gets tough...open your eyes big big and just smile....smile like you never smiled before...(isn't this wat i used to do...i should realised this earlier...)thats something that would cheer anybody up...cause reading it has already made me feel a little bit better... self-motivation eh... [:
today actually quite hot hor....
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
such a hot weather today...still dunno why i go out when its so hot...anyway thought december should be raining one..and because of the weather my feets earned themselves a blister each..and i injured the already injured toe... ]:and i've learnt the importance of the the invention of the shoe now....cause i'm struggling to walk properly now... well enough about my feet...lol...today was fun actually....except for the blister part....soccer today...saifuddin call me play...he went of before i did though...stayed till the light went off...which was like at 9..stayed a while longer... walk that way again...its becoming like a daily ritual...lol... just reached home...and the blisters just burst...more difficult to walk now... tommorow is another day...i wonder wats awaiting me tmr... found the lyrics to a japanese song...i think quite a number of people should konw wat song it is... Ah, Pretending to be happy is but a sad distraction I rush to give you my silent warning a gentle squeeze of your hand As I glance at the path i've walked, i've endured, companionless My face is overwhelmed with a familar aroma and the dust keeps piling up I collapse outside of town, land softly My legs are weary of their endless journey And fleeting memories run through my headI see the same profile, hear the same words over and over Like the girl who asked me "isn't life so sad when all you do is live? "You're still careless, young and helpless... Disapperaing into a hollow void Now haveing witnessed sadness you should never have seen Crying tears that should have remained dry We may not be tough enough to live on truth alone,but you know, we dont need to be obviously it sounds better in japanese..lols... Hope.Thats all he could do though.He's afraid she wouldn't even bother replying to him if he were to start a conversation. In the end,all he could do is just hope.Hope for the better.
finally a sunday for me...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
okays...investiture's over...yea..everyone was like in party mood once it was over...couldn't be helped uh...after sweating and learning and performing and everything else for like 3 weeks..it was all over...everyone has endured those days together and finally tasting the fruits of the effort they have put in..ok..enough about that..RC 1 and 2 with bravo can never be forgotten..i will always remember bravo as the squad that started out as the lousiest(as someone would say) to the best squad ever in my eyes...haha..the last day when we did our drills...marching form here to there without timing..banging as one...yea..seems like we were reaching our peak finally... i won't forget my bunk mates as well...everynight..goofing off and having a hell of a time after a tiring day..oh..and i can never forget our staple food every night...cream crackers...haha...never did really started out liking it..but i've grown to like it...like other stuff that i like... and GRIFFINS...yea...that cheer that i will always remember...ne ne........lol...how we worked well through out those 4 days in ubin...enduring all those mosquitoes...and our flag...it started out as the lowest flag to the most tallest one...the tallest flag that was ever flapping so brilliantly in the wind...the symbol of strength... and the stink of out smelly feets in the tent every night...campfire night...the special dinner where like every 6 people needed to squeeze onto one bench..oh..and especially meals at HTA!!lols...queuing up with our wet trays for each meal of the day... most importantly....bravo squad instructors...for the leaders they have moulded us into.. i'll remember the sky i saw on campfire night...full of stars for the first time i've seen when i was in ubin... no wonder i look at the stars alot...(another story... lol) my squadmates,my groupmates,my bunkmates,my tentmates..lol... okays..thats basically the summary of what i'll remember after those 20 days... yesterday...farhan and shafiq came for investiture...chong sian keep stepping on my boots...-_- haha..they keep playing one sia..then i was like the last one to wear the shoulder board...lol..went to lot 1 for supper...then reached home at like 12.30 i think..took lots of photo...must go hunt for them now... well yesterday...after marching with bravo for the last time in the morning and then getting seated with them in the hall..i felt like we have finally achieved something...unity..thats what it felt like...happy about that....really happy...so happy that i could go hug a pillar..lol... then during lunch my prediction did come true...not going to say what it was though....i already knew long ago that would definitely never happen...i was sure about that...but i don't really know why i was still hoping for come...i guess i thought the the second time i were to pass out might have been different...might have been better then the first one... hey hey..but i wasn't going to let that spoil the mood of the occasion...even though it did spoil mine..wasn't going to let it spoil the other's....like what everyone had learnt to say from the camp...OPEN YOUR EYES BIG BIG AND SMILE!!!!! [: and finally i have found something for me to remember for me to calm myself and regain composure....even though it might hurt a little... okays..thats it for now... He still walks that path every nigh.t Though alone Though it brings back memories with every step taken. He walks in the hopes of leaving those memories behind. If only it was as easy as said.
its coming to an end now....
Friday, December 19, 2008
alright....training is now complete...all thats left is pop..in a few hours time...having a weird feeling now though... guess i should just get myself mentally prepared for tmr.. well the RCs and NRCs were actually memorable.. will post stuff about that some other time i guess... ooh..and i really feel stupid now..i probably guess she won't come at all..i guess i just think too much.. And now he thinks he was just infatuated by her best friend.Is that what really happened,he thinks agian.Is that why he is starting to think of her instead. He feels like he's got no one to turn to.And nowhere else to go,except for that path where he walked with her for only once but countless times alone.
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