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Always having to make the sacrifice.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Well I'm sorry I'm not as good as them. You would prefer them over me. Well most ran away. I guess you have to do it to someone too? And you found the perfect genuine pig in my for that. To continue the cycle. I cant have what I want. But I have to give in to you and be selfless always. Someday soon when you get what you want, what will be come of me then? Life actually pretty much sucks now. But I got to bite my lips and just show the world what they want to see. What a fine mess I have got myself into. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.9
this is who I am.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I'm gonna try to smile and be happy. If you want to leave, if you don't want to treat me like how you used to, I won't stop you. If so, getting over you will be hard and not so soon. You could have made me happy. But I just got to try by myself now. You can be yourself. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
I had......
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I have the most awesome wonderful female friend. She is cute, funny, she care for me a lot. She would talk to me so many things. Shared her secrets. In return I shared with her too. I believed in her and trusted her a lot. I changed so that she wouldn't get pissed at my character and my doings. Everyday I would send her nonsensical text, just small things to make her smile. Her smiles are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her hugs are the most special thing I ever felt. Those were the happiest days of my life. I encourage her and support her for what she wants and tried to be there for her when she was down. I didn't ask for anything back in return. But just one thing, to let this continue and never stop. Two years and two months have passed. But it only took one week to change all that. I am to blame. I should have been selfish and asked her not to go. But I knew what she wanted to achieve and that would bring her great satisfaction. And so I gave her my full support. At the end of it all, she got what she wanted. I lost the best thing in my life. I remember hanging out at the swing with her. Sending her home. Massaging her hurt wrist. Laying restrictions for her own well being. Trying to make things better for her and her family. Going on walks with her. Pulling her close to let her lie on my arm. Holding her hand when she was so sleepy, leading her home. Letting her sleep on my lap. Holding her tight when she cried. Carrying her in the swimming pool and at sea. Trying my best to keep her warm while I was shivering. Buying her things she liked but didn't ask for. Always giving the ice from my drink. Just me and her in my room, watching a show while she was lying down on my chest. Meeting her that one time near her school, where she hugged me the moment she saw me. Giving her my jacket. Neglecting my sleep and waking up early just to wake her up as well. Accompanying her through texts or in person till she reached school. That night where we were sleeping beside each other, her constantly kicking me cause she was cold, so I gave her my sleeping bag to let her stay warm while I endured the freezing cold. I was so happy she treated me well and didn't leave. But now she's gone. I lost her. Again. I wish she'd come back. I miss her. I'm doing stupid things to escape reality. I am a man of values. Even if the world tells me to give up I still won't budge. I have tried so long and hard. There is still so much more in the list that I haven't done with her yet. I have guts. I have heart. I still care and hope for the best for her. But I wish I could at least continue to be the same guy to her no matter who she goes out with. I wish she didn't change. It feels so empty now.
so with a heel and a toe, a new friend found......
Saturday, July 7, 2012
You say you know how it feels. Yet you still seem insensitive about it all. So am I suppose to just sit and watch you do what you like, while I wait hoping for better times?
I thought we agreed that we would go those places together. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
Bite my lips and just wait.
Friday, July 6, 2012
I can't share with anyone now. Neither do you. Thankfully I have this place to pour out everything. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
I hope you change back soon.
Trust plays a very big part in any kind of relationship. It's needed in order for peace and harmony. Now, you can be selective with the attitude you want to show and not let me know about anything at all anymore, but keep in mind where I once stood with you. There was a point of time when things were simple. I was important back then to you hopefully. But not now. Realise the reality and consequences of your actions before it's too late for salvation. This roller coaster ride with you has certainly changed me a lot. Patience was tested, suppressing anger so that I can react better to the situation, being optimistic, and most of all, my trust in you may have been shaken but never broken. I put my complete trust in you. Hopefully one day you could be able to trust me too. But may that day not come too late. For if it does... well, you can foresee what would happen. But rest assure, I will try my best to keep to my words. I won't be leaving. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
What a heart feels.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
This is great. Just great. What I read about pisces is very true. Yup, you out grew me yet again. Fastest ever so far. Back then two years ago I was there first, then the first time happened. Till this day, you probably would still be looking quietly at him, but I will still be in the same position. I would be looking at you quietly. Why is it so hard to maintain what it used to be like. There was nothing wrong with that. I never asked for more. I don't dare either, for the fact that I don't want to lose what I already have. Yet somewhere or another history will repeat itself and I can never do anything about it. Its happening now again. I can forsee, this time there is only two possibilities. And both of it depends on you. It will all end and strangers is what we will be, a hi bye will all be left. Or, this bond that I had tried to build and salvage, which is dying, would come out stronger and stay that way forever. What I forsee always seems to come true. At this moment the drift is very strong. I'm trying but seems like you aren't staying. I always told myself, things would get better as you get older because the path I have walked on made me who I am, and you won't be able to see what I see only till you get older. I keep believing in that. I am extremely sensitive. Its because I was brought up to be like this. Ever since young. And I am not allowed to show this side to you because you dislike it. I change so you would be comfortable and maybe be able to really trust me. I am easy going now aren't I? Well this will be the only place I can ever show my sensitivity. No one will ever know how I feel inside anymore. I remember every memory, good and bad, family, friends and in the recent past most of my memories are of you. Knowing you so much already is which is why I hope to do things with you, like bring you to the places that I know would make you feel truly happy. Make days which you would never forget. But every time I mention about happy moments of the past it seems like you don't remember them anymore. If you really leave someday, I hope you find true happiness. Bless you. I sincerely wish you all the best. It will be sad I won't be part of it, I don't know how I will be able to cope. Its you who are always changing you know. And I change to adapt to you. I can't do anything anymore but to just let you do what you want. I can only hope things would get better and stay strong. The tiniest hope. That girl of my past, hopefully she returns to stay. If I wasn't the person I am now at this moment, I would have been overwhelmed by agitation. I would have already lost control. I am proud I am still sane. I swear to never get angry. I will always be nice, easy going, less sensitive, fun. So that you would be happy with me. Inside I already feel numb and heartless. Some habits will never change. I try to go to your blog everyday still. So if you ever read this, then never forget this please, you have been a wonderful friend to me and I wish to at least have what we had to last. A deeper relationship? Well, I believe its not for me to decide right? Hahah, it would be interesting and nice though. But I won't ask for anymore than what we used to have. Thank you, for all the good times you have given me. I will always remember them. Thank you. I may not be able to do what others could do for you, but I will always be there for you, to the best of my abilities I will do what you ask for. I will always,  And for you, its a special kind of love, a different one, unique, that I will always have.
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